(topic: grief vs. preparing for a next child)
I don’t know if you have heard, but all of the Toys R Us and Babies R Us locations in the US are closing. I’m not sure what the long range effect will be, but the short term effect is that they have sales and discounts as they empty their warehouses, and many larger items (while still pricey) may have significantly diminished price tags.
I mentioned this to my husband, specifically because I knew they carry those little blankets with a stuffed animal head, and theoretically one of the ones they carry is a tiger. I went in to the store during the day to scout things out (no tiger) and in the process realized that now might be the time to buy a bassinet or other bed, since that and a high chair and stroller, is really the only thing we need but don’t have, since we ended up pretty well equipped in preparation for Charlie.
Once I scouted and got some prices, I talked it over with hubby, and we decided it made sense for me to get one, and since the store had a 10% sale on top of the already cut prices, it made sense for me to go that night after dinner. But once I was in the parking lot, staring at the store, I was massively conflicted about going in, much less buying the bed.
Here’s the thing. It’s as if I have 2 minds: logic brain, and heart brain. Logic brain is the one that weighs pros and cons, and does the math. Heart brain is where all the logic gets thrown out the window, and all the emotions come to live.
When we were discussing the idea at the dinner table, logic brain was talking. Since we plan to have another child, and would seriously consider adopting if it doesn’t work for us biologically (and maybe even if it does), we have a guaranteed need for these sorts of items. The math also made sense: closing sales, plus that day’s bonus 10%: really, it was either this, hope someone gives us one, or buy something second hand (or, maybe, wait till we have more money to spend on things like this). But you’ll notice, except for buying now, all the other options have detractors (such as prior users, or hoping for something – not a for-sure option). So it made sense.
But when I was sitting in the parking lot, heart brain started talking. It said some things that are based in my experience, and my emotions, and thus made sense for me to feel, but it was not logical. Heart brain was saying things like this:
– You may never need a bed – what if you don’t get pregnant again?
– What if you buy a bed and don’t get pregnant. Waste of money!
– What if buying a bed jinxes you so you don’t get pregnant?
Heart brain was ignoring a lot of things. But heart brain had also noticed that there were a lot of pregnant ladies there, too, and was feeling overwhelmed.
As it was, I messaged two of my best friends, and asked them for support, because I was feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed, even though the purchase made sense. And one told me I could do it, and the other told me it was ok to cry in Babies R Us – she’d done it, and lots of people do it!
And I got out of the car and went in. I pretended I was shopping for Pookie, which I do at resale stores a lot (he wears 3-6 month sizes, unless it’s a button collar, in which case he needs a size up!). I saw a rainbow outfit I liked, which I bought with Next Baby in mind. And I safely made it to the beds, with only 1 pregnant woman encounter. It ended up being more complicated to pick one out than I’d anticipated, but concentrating on the details (logic brain!) helped me stay calm. I got the bed! I paid, and I got it to the car!
It was hard. It was emotional. Even driving home there was a voice questioning if I’d wasted money or jinxed things (and I don’t believe in jinxes). But I know I did the right thing, because no matter what, some day, I’ll have a little one to put into it.
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