(Topic: Age of deceased child, thoughts)
Charlie recently “turned” 2-1/2. He “wouldbe/is” a toddler to me, but what struck me that day was that I didn’t notice the day until it was nearly over (December 19th, the “half-birthday”).
Early on, I noticed when the 19th came along, every month. I even noticed the number 19, anytime it came up.
Lately I’ve been noticing them less and less, and I hadn’t noticed that I wasn’t noticing.
I felt so guilty, like I’d been forgetting Charlie himself (not true).
My therapist says it’s normal to find normal life taking up more time, and it’s normal to feel guilty (even when we didn’t do anything wrong, and certainly haven’t forgotten them).
But what helped most was what my husband said: Other parents, with living children, stop counting their child’s age in months by about age 2. We’re past that, and we’re also not counting in months anymore – we’re just being normal parents.
I love my husband so much.
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