(Topic: Life after loss, grief, holidays)
I’m terrible at New Years Resolutions, and anyway, resolutions work better when you come to them bit by bit and work on them piece by piece.
But for fun, and for reflection, here are a few things that I’m currently working on:
1) Be patient with myself, and let my feelings be what they are.
I often “should” on myself – which means that I tell myself what I should do, what I should feel – when really I need to be patient and let myself get done what I can, appreciate what I have the energy to do, and acknowledge the feelings I have. (What naughty word does “should-ing” sound like? Does it sound like “should-ing” on yourself is a good idea???)
2) I will not let anyone’s comments change how I honor my son and his memory.
Someone might be able to make a comment that hurts my feelings, but I will honor my own gut feelings and mama instincts in how I honor Charlie and his memory, and I will not let anyone change that (unless it’s a good idea! In which case, bring it on ?.)
3) I will also honor my physical self, and try to eat right and exercise more.
I know, this is on everyone’s list. Here’s specifically how I plan to do it: I will keep track of how much liquid I drink, and what I eat. I know from the past that if I hydrate well I feel better, and that if I track my food I tend to overeat less. I will walk more often, and once I’ve worked up to it a bit, I’ll start walking 5K’s again (only the ones with participation medals, though. If I don’t get a Shiny at the end, there’s not enough motivation for me!)
4) I will read.
Not more, not specific: I just challenge myself to read. Apparently many people struggle with reading after a grief event, and it hit me hard. For about a year I don’t think I read anything longer than a short blog post. Then a librarian friend encouraged me and helped by vetting books so I wouldn’t accidentally read something with triggers, and I found out that graphic novels and reading on a kindle work better for me than regular books (I haven’t tried audio books yet). I don’t read anywhere as much as I used to, but I now read again. So I will keep working on that. Follow me on Goodreads if you use it, if you want to see what I read – I will post on here about particularly interesting items, but not every book!
I feel like 4 is enough!! That gives me several things to work on as the year charges ahead. Comment below if you have a resolution that is life-after-loss related that you’d like to share!
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