Support and How I Changed

Support and How I Changed

(Topic: grief after loss support, holidays)

Our mantle, stockings, and present area – no tree this year.

Hi Friends,

This year is different. This is our 4th Christmas after Charlie died, and every year has been different, but this year is really different.

For the last 3 years, my reaction to Christmas has been what you see in support articles: a combo of needing to be involved, but not wanting to be involved; feeling angry; feeling left out; feeling overwhelmed.

Titles of articles I’m seeing this year:
Grief at Christmas
What’s to be Done About the Empty Stocking
A Letter to the Grieving Mom This Holiday Season

There is nothing wrong with any of these blogs and articles. They are all valid views, and many would have been comforting to me in the past and are probably helpful to new loss parents.

But this year is different.

I’m in a different headspace about the holiday, and it’s really helping me. I wrote about a new approach, a new perspective, that occurred to me this year. Instead of being a grinch, and thinking about Mary as actually having a baby, which created a lot of jealousy, reframing it as a memorial birthday really helped. Now I think of it as a loss mom – not an infant loss mom, but still, related – who is remembering fondly the birthday of her loved one, and hoping to see him in heaven again someday. That, I can get behind.

That doesn’t mean I didn’t have sad moments.

I totally did. But they were isolated, and didn’t tinge the whole holiday for me!

The moment that got me was singing Silent Night. It’s a lullaby, and the alto part is pretty too, and it’s about holding a silent baby – really, this author says it so well I cried again reading this article:

But over all, I had a good holiday, which was a refreshing change from the last few years.
I hope your holiday was gentle to you.



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